I am trying my best to indulge less into grumpiness, I really do, however to do so I need to let the steam out once in a while. Here I present you with a few ‘questions’ I’ve received over the course of the last few months and my ‘answers’, I either told them or thought so in my head, either way enjoy the ride.
You train really hard, don’t you?
Yes, yes I do. You sitting on a bench and doing light dumbbell press with 4 minutes yawning breaks are annoying the living shit out of me though.
Hey, I started a new training plan it goes like this (…) What do you think about it?
If you honestly believed that your routine was progression based, you wouldn’t be asking me shit. I just have to guess that you have few planned “workouts” that you go through over and over, nothing more.
You used to be bigger, what happened? *flexes muscles*
Yeah, it’s called dieting, you get rid of your beer gut so you could have a lean looking body. I mean, if you prefer to be at 20% bodyfat and imagine that you’re huge and equal to those who are same size yet on 12% bodyfat… Good for you! I’ll shoot myself the moment my abs will completely disappear though, that’s a promise.
Have you heard about keto? What do you think about it?
Yes, long ago, before IIFYM was a thing. It’s a diet that cures cancer and makes you grow as if you are on Dbol, just kidding. It’s just a diet and majority of people are doing it wrong.
Hey man, why do you advise everyone to pump arms, shoulders and abs?
Because that’s a bare minimum with maximum reward. If you believe that legs and back are easy to train you are in a treat, you will be crying like a bitch before you’ll squat properly 3x plates and row 2x. There are always genetic freaks and exceptions, but the fact that you haven’t achieved those numbers yet, tells me that it’s not you.
I want to start training, but I can’t find the time. What do I do?
No, you can find time to whatever the hell you would like to do, what you can’t find is a reason why you should use that time for training. It’s up to you to NOT want muscular arms and six pack, but don’t annoy the living shit outta others with same old story.
Once you get family, you’ll drop training. Don’t you believe me?
Yeah, right, that shit almost sounds convincing. Except there are tons of examples out there, that proves you are weak because you choose to be weak. Don’t blame the kid for your potato ass laying on a couch watching Netflix for 5 hours. Many gyms will provide you with children corner, if you really wanted to get strong, you would.
You’ve ever heard about this friend of mine who is a national champion and lifted XXX and so on and so on and he’s natural and everything? Well anyhow he does this thing here and advised this for me.
Yes, I absolutely know every athlete out there personally! I get it bro, you are cooler than I am for knowing him, however you are still weak and that’s all what matters in the gym.
I used to be in a decent shape before too, just wait for your years.
Look here Jack, you were in a good shape because you used to work your blood, sweat and tears. You didn’t have time to eat and you were more sociable. Bring that back and you won’t have to worry about letting every good looking dude know that you weren’t always a fat snob.