Step 1: Get injured.
Just messing with you, but that gets us to ‘how people get injured?’ You’ve been dragged into gym/soccer/*insert physical activity* numerous times. But shit sucked and you found it exhaustively boring, so what do you do? I’ve been there and went through that. As a gaming addict you are not interested in tiptoeing around, so why not follow that approach in real life? Everyone should avoid injuries, however, if all or nothing is your way to do things, go for it. Train as often and as hard as you want. If you will get an inflammation or an actual minor injury, as a young chad you should recover fast; at the same time, it will teach you a lesson.
Fun fact: I began taking my health more seriously after I broke my leg as a lazy Online Gaming addicted kid, intake of sugar aka gaming fuel interfered with my calcium density in bone structure which made me a walking stick-figure.
Full body splits aka ‘the very first routine you find by googling what your favorite gym douche is doing and hope that it will work for you as well’ should not be considered viable at all; they are simply put the least efficient shit that you could do as a beginner. Even Crossfit tops that. With Full body split training routines, you are not only denying yourself ‘quick and easy’ gains overall, you also deny them to your upper body as well, contrary to popular belief.
As a beginner, you should recover mad fast and be able to hit the same muscle group again within 24-36 hours. So don’t waste your first 6 months as shit will get messy after.
Step 3: Keep doing mathematics and pick legitimate routine.
If you simply aim for the guns, pecks and back 4x a week for 40mins you’ll get 124 training hours a year that are solely focused on your upper body thus making it much easier on you as lower body holds most of our muscles..
Cons: Congratulations, you’ve got chicken legs.
Pros: Your energy will be higher and you will no longer look like a nerd.
Full body 3x a week for 1 hour you’ll get 156 training hours in a year distributed through the entire body.
Cons: Harder, More work, Slower Chest/Arms/Back progression.
Pros: You are a fully functional person.
Alright, here’s your training schedule:
4x times a week (can be boosted to 5x) upper body is pretty casual and since you are a noob, it doesn’t matter how or in which order you will do it.
Now, that’s just a blunt and somewhat enjoyable, bare bones workout schedule I’ve assembled in 10 minutes. How you will train and which exercise you will choose to do is entirely up to you. Main focus of this routine is efficiently stimulating your upper body while being 4x times better than any ‘split’ routine will ever be for a beginner. Workouts can be executed nonstop, in other words you can train without rest days. For example: Monday Workout A, Tuesday Workout B, Wednesday Workout A, Thursday Workout B, etc. Take about 45-60 seconds rest between sets and you should be fine.
3x a week (can be boosted to 4x), download starting strength app and add some extra volume.
Step 4: Get a notebook.
Now, unless you’re one of those people with unrealistic photographic memory, without notebook you can’t progress to your full potential and put maximum effort.
Not writing down your working weight, reps and failures and expect any progress whatsoever is about as mental as trusting any guy in online-multiplayer game that he’s an admin and he needs your password ASAP ‘to give you an epic new skin’.
Pro tip: If you’ll fail your set, enter amount of reps you’ve done with that weight. Next workout train with smaller load, and workout after next workout, try doing same load again.
Step 5: Get back to gaming as fast as you possibly can.
How can you do that any faster? Leave your phone at home or at least in the locker room.
I’m not joking, you will in fact finish your workout times faster than usual, thus be able on your online world faster. On a side note, the higher intensity is, the better and faster you’ll see results.
Final Step 6: Nutrition.
Well, ‘dick around less‘ is my favorite quote from Ryan Holiday so I’ll stick to it.
- If you are a chubby little bastard, pick something low calorie that you can actually enjoy, for me changing from chips and soda to fruits and tea did wonders. You could also consider consuming the following during hunger: pan fry vegetables with light Philadelphia cheese, cream soups from cauliflower or broccoli with low fat cheese, melons, berries, oatmeal with cocoa powder.
- For the skinny bastards, just munch on everything you can and hit the gym. Now, try to avoid too much solely fat food, however carbs are your daily friends. Sandwiches, noodles, chocolate milk, you name it.
- If you are neither, just dedicate yourself to lifting and maybe eating 10-15% more than usual. I.e. extra two spoons of garnish, extra half glass of whatever beverage you’re drinking and pack up on that protein source (meat, dairy, egg, soy etc.)
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